Do you feel tense and anxious at work? Do your co-workers and/or bosses drive you crazy? Is your personal life less than blissful? If so, you have stress. If you’re like most people, you’ve sought refuge from this situation by trying one or two quick fixes, like calling a friend, walking the dog, or going out for the weekend in an attempt to get away from it all. While these strategies can serve as temporary distractions, nothing in your life changes when you return to your routine.
Stress is internal, which explains why it can wreak havoc on your health. It feels horrible… it’s the feeling that you’re not in control. The easiest way to mitigate its effect is to take charge of the only thing you have the power to control… YOU, and let go of what you cannot control. The beauty of this recipe is that by taking control of your life, external or external things will change in response to your internal changes. Here are 10 steps to de-stress for your present and future:
1. Heal yourself.
Dr. Bruce McEwen, who wrote The end of stress as we know it, suggests that de-stressing comes straight from your grandmother’s journal. He says the most effective steps he can take are the simplest: exercise, a healthy diet, regular sleep, moderate or minimal alcohol consumption, and not smoking. This, he points out, is the most sophisticated, up-to-date, cutting-edge science available!
2. Get organized.
Physical clutter reminds us of things to do and that is stressful. Eliminate your physical clutter and you will eradicate your mental clutter, plus you will feel full of energy. The recipe for eliminating clutter is the same no matter what room or space you’re working in. In short, start by defining the purpose of your room, then identify the main categories that will be kept in your space, sort all of your belongings into those categories, edit each category, and finally put your possessions in a nice and practical place.
3. Set limits.
Boundaries act as a filter to keep you safe from the hurtful behavior of others while allowing for the love, support, and nurturing actions that we all need. Set your boundaries by: (a) determining what others cannot do to you or in your presence, and (b) respectfully sharing this information with anyone who crosses one of your boundaries.
4. Take time for yourself.
Make a list of all the things you like to do but don’t have time to do regularly. Prioritize your list and enter the first five to seven items on your daily calendar. Your list can include things as simple as journaling, reading a great book, taking a bubble bath, doing yoga, etc. You will have more success doing these activities if you assign them a time and place on your calendar.
5. Be positive.
William James, the father of modern psychology, said: “The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his mental attitude.” In other words, what you say and what you say to yourself impacts the present and creates your future. Love yourself and use the power of positive words, nice thoughts, and affirming beliefs to live the life you want to live.
6. Work in a career you love.
If you’re like most people, you spend most of your waking hours at work. You’ll know you’re in the right career when: you wake up eager to go to work, you want to do your best every day, and you know your job is important.
7. Surround yourself with a supportive community.
You are the one you spend time with. Hang out with people who love and accept you just the way you are, care about you (not what you can do for them), lift your spirits (not wear you down), solve problems quickly, don’t comment or complain, and know how to have fun. Everything is possible with the right support.
8. Learn to say “No.”
We have all been influenced by people in our lives who tell us we should do this or we should do that. As a result, we may end up living a life that others have decided for us versus living the life we want. So the next time you think of something you should do or someone suggests you should do, take a breath and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do. If not, just say “no” or “no thanks.” When you say no to things you are not interested in doing, you are saying yes to yourself and this will free up your time and energy for the things you choose to do. In short, you will be happy.
9. Zap subsidies.
A tolerance is something that irritates you and drains your energy because it needs to be done, fixed, removed, or changed. If you’re like most people, you may be tolerating 100 or more things! Make a list of all the things that bother you, for example, a leaky faucet, money problems, your weight, shopping and errands, lack of time, computer files out of control, your hair, a room that needs to be painted , etc. . When your list is complete, group similar items together and see if a solution will eliminate multiple tolerances. For example, if you have piles of clothes in every room, dirty windows, and specks of dust on the floor, hiring a housekeeper will eliminate all three tolerances. Line up a housekeeper, today. Then commit to spending a little time each week to eliminate your other tolerances. If you have a tolerance that you don’t have the skill or knowledge to fix, consider calling in an expert or finding a trained professional to exchange services.
10. Meet your needs.
A “need” is not an option, it is something you must have in order to function fully. It differs from a “wish” in that a wish is optional. Unmet needs can lead to distraction and worse. Determine what needs you have that are not being met, if any, and then take appropriate action to meet them. Example: If you have had great success and are going through a career transition, ask a good friend to call you two or three times a week to check in with you and provide support. Other options include calling your own voice mail and leaving messages of support or hiring a coach who specializes in career transitions. When you recognize and meet your needs, you will be free to focus on other areas of your life.
If you want to be happier and more successful, focus on the things you have the power to control.
