If there is one thing that is at the core of Christianity, it is a deep love expressed to humanity by God himself, which in turn is expressed to others by each of us who have chosen to receive that love. And yet, when it comes to many Christian marriages, this necessary expression of love is often replaced by emotional estrangement and painful conflict, leading us to ask, “Where’s the break?”
CRACKS IN THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
The more I work with Christian couples, it becomes clear that this breakup is tied to cracks in their marital and spiritual foundation. On the marital front, encouragement is replaced by criticism, validation is replaced by defensiveness, and listening is replaced by the need to express one’s frustrations. Spiritually, it is often the case that these couples have neglected to seek God in their daily lives and have chosen to simply do things their way relationally. However, they also recognize how relevant that quest is to being able to love one another the way they want.
A MARITAL DEFINITION OF LOVE
It’s hard to overstate how important love is to a married couple that has a solid foundation that lasts a lifetime and facilitates an unshakable sense of intimacy and connection. However, how do you define the type of love we are talking about? Here is a definition that I will often apply when counseling married couples:
Love is choosing to be other-centered for the benefit of your spouse, so that what is important to them becomes important to you. It is selfless and prideless, and aims to offer you the forgiveness and grace that you did not deserve, but that God gave you anyway despite your sin.
I realize you may be familiar with other definitions of love, however I believe this definition helps bring married couples to the point where they can see that their Christian faith is more than just tradition. It is a lifestyle of discipleship in which commands such as “love your neighbor as yourself” become formative principles that call each of us to trust in the Lord to empower and guide us as we go. we seek to appreciate our partner.
RECOVERING OUR SEARCH FOR THE LORD
I am absolutely certain that couples who seek the Lord in their daily lives and constantly educate themselves by studying His Word so that they can faithfully follow His instructions and wisdom will reap the benefits in their marriage. The reason is that ultimately we live what we believe and what we focus on. So let’s focus on these things so that we can experience Christian love that goes beyond words in our marriages.
A MARRIAGE THAT STANDS FIRM
Let me end by encouraging you to never neglect the freedom we have to seek God with all our hearts, and truly know him and his great love, so that your marriage is a clear reflection of the mighty work the Lord is doing. inside you.
