Some people are more calculating than others and are experts at giving false appearances. They may appear insincere because of their personal fears. It can also make them somewhat cynical towards life.
For the sake of this article, we will use a ‘real life’ situation as an example. Two colleagues walk into a mall and come across a store that sells electric shavers for men. “I think I need one of them,” said a friend. The other suggested that they go into the store and take a look at a few different models. As they browse, they notice that the only salesperson in the store, a girl, is busy answering product questions to a family group of four. It seemed that they had some questions to ask… So, the two friends started sailing. The one who said that he needed an electric razor starts to say um and ah. His friend clearly understood that the issue was price, so he suggested they look into cheaper models, even though nothing about price had been mentioned.
“What are you doing?” ask the potential buyer.
“She’s busy with some customers who keep asking her questions. That’s her job.” Reply to her friend.
“Yeah, but it’s taking too long. I’m from the big city, and if you don’t service me, you don’t get my money!” he proclaims.
They sailed for a couple of minutes when the one who was agitated said: “That’s it, I’ll wait for you outside… I’m tired!”.
“Where are you going?” his friend asked, “The lone salesman is still with the other customers. It’s his job. You’re next.”
The friend who came out is leaning on a railing near the escalator, he was brooding.
“Why are you mad?” her friend asked, “You know she’ll get back to you the moment she’s done with the other people. They got there before you did.”
“I don’t give a damn! There’s no customer service here. I’m a paying customer, forget it!”
Your friend could have handled this situation in one of two ways: (a) told you that you were being unreasonable and also acting like a child, or (b) used a technique that brings to light what may actually be going on.
Method (a) can create conflict, but method (b) can help you both to remain calm and to see the situation from another angle, without creating contention. Very often our choices are driven by emotions. In truth, in this case, it wasn’t because the vendor couldn’t meet his needs, it was really because he didn’t want to spend that kind of money. Instead of saying, “Gee, I like these, but I really think they’re expensive and I don’t feel comfortable spending that kind of money.” He decided to make a fuss about the lack of service.
Sounds reasonable, right? You’d be surprised how many people can’t be reasonable for fear of being judged and ridiculed (especially if they suffer from a lack of self-confidence) by their peers, instead of figuring things out in a more logical way. Most people care about their image and reputation etc…
That’s why we appreciate someone who tells it like it is, instead of beating around the bush.
So when his friend came to his side and leaned against the railing next to him, he said to his brooding friend, “I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I bought mine, as did you. But I found that now, every time I shave, I don’t think about the price, but I enjoy the smoothness and closeness of the shave. And by the way, I honestly think I deserve it!”
This technique of the three Fs (feel, feel and find) is effective in handling a tricky situation. He has a proven track record of helping things get back in line, if done correctly, with ease and grace and without judgment, but with gentle understanding.
