Oh yeah… Orlando, Florida, the land of dreams. A place where the magic of Disney permeates the community; where residents sing instead of talk, where children laugh and play without fear, where bluebirds regularly perch on our shoulders. This is the city of hope and joy; where each person cares about the other; where hugs are frequent and appreciated neighbors. Yes, Orlando is the happiest place on earth… or so I thought before I moved here.
However, for many who have moved to Orlando, the transition has been anything but joyous. When our expectations are high, our disappointments, when those expectations are not met, can often shake us to the core. That’s what commonly happens to new Orlando residents. In reality, many people who move here find Orlando disconnected, uncaring, and angry. In fact, a 2006 “Men’s Health” article ranked Orlando the #1 angriest city in America. That may surprise those of you who live elsewhere, but for those of us who live here, it’s not a surprise. The traffic here is madening. Our city combines tourists, retirees, from other countries, unpredictable weather, and constant new residents, resulting in very dangerous driving patterns. New residents often find it difficult to connect with people, perhaps for the first time in their lives. This can lead to depression, loneliness, and a feeling that you don’t belong. In speaking with those struggling here, I have found that Orlando is considered “too slow” by many coming from the larger cities like New York or Boston, yet it is “too fast and urban” for many moving from the Midwest. . The transitory nature of the city also plays into the difficulties. People are moving in and out of Orlando so frequently that it makes building connections that much more complicated. Just when a person thinks they know their neighbors and are building a social network, those friends often move to another city or return to their original home. Due to the constant changes in social dynamics, people, in many cases, are more wary of starting friendships that go beyond the superficial. People often become numb due to the loss of so many friends over the years and are therefore less likely to re-expose themselves to that pain. Consequently, relationships here can be superficial, leaving people feeling more empty than connected.
So yes, we have Disney and Universal Studios and Sea World and much more for those who vacation here; but for those who move here, it is often a struggle.
To tell the truth, this was my experience moving here. Coming from a small town in Ohio, I was used to connecting easily. In Ohio, we basically wave to everyone, whether we know them or not (a habit that has earned me several strange looks in this city). People tend to have deep roots in the Midwest, so we tend to be more laid back and interested in building long-term relationships. When I moved to Orlando, I knew it would take me a while to settle in, but I assumed it would be as easy to fit in here as it always has been in other places. I made a mistake. For years I hated Orlando. That is the pure truth. I found Orlando unfriendly and too urban and fast-paced for my liking. Connecting with people in a meaningful way seemed impossible, which was very new to me. There were so many times I wanted to “get as long as the get was good”. But God had other ideas. He kept me here and began to show me the way. He started leading me to the connection. Doors have been opened for me in my career and ministry that can only be described as oasis in the desert. That was a big step; find a place to connect regarding the ministry. But I still felt lonely and I didn’t like living here. I told God as such… several times… but He was patient with my complaints. What ultimately broke for me in this fight for connection was my family and I connecting to our local Little League program. I started coaching my son’s team and also became one of the referees in the league. I love baseball and I started meeting people who loved it too. From that league we started an adult softball league, which was also one of my passions in Ohio. I started meeting more and more like-minded people and amazing families. It was amazing because most of them told us that they felt just like us, disconnected and alone, until they joined this community league.
Now, years later, I have come to love our community. I still hate the hot summers here, mind you, and I miss the northern fall and winter weather (I know… I’m crazy). However, my family has a place now…and we’ve started to build really strong friendships with some great families. Finally… Orlando feels like home.
But enough about me.
Over the years I have met more and more people who feel the same way; out of touch, disconnected, alone and depressed. Maybe you are one of those people. Moving to Orlando can be very stressful, “The Mouse” notwithstanding. Let me offer you some tips that I hope will help you on this path:
• Realize that you are not alone: It can feel that way here. Families can suddenly feel unlovable or the only ones who can’t seem to make friends here. Is not true. In my counseling and even in my personal life I have met MANY people who feel the same way. You are in good company.
• Don’t Take It Personally: Because so many people face the same types of relocation stress, you need to realize that it’s not primarily about you. The Orlando dynamic can lead one to start doubting themselves, as if something is wrong with them. Don’t buy that. The truth is that what you feel has much more to do with the characteristics presented in this article than with you personally.
• Be sensitive to your family: One thing I have found in my practice is that children and adolescents especially struggle when moving here. I’ve seen the same scenario over and over again: Dad moves here for a new job, and most of his time is spent on that. Mom does her best to put the house in order, but she’s also dealing with loneliness and a general feeling of being overwhelmed. In the midst of this, parents don’t realize that their children are experiencing the same difficult emotions that arise from the stress of moving, and often find it harder to deal with. Children don’t always know how to express those kinds of emotions and that’s why they act out. Their grades drop for the first time, they become more isolated, their attitude becomes more belligerent, and they move away from family. Many times parents surprise this as part of the “teenage years” or a phase their children are going through. Parents sometimes downplay the issue even when their children are deeply struggling with the move. Over time, children begin to seek relief in various unhealthy ways, and then the whole family is in big trouble. It’s a painful thing to watch. If you have moved to Orlando or plan to, have a plan to help your children with the move. Keep the lines of communication open and keep in mind that children fight more than they let on. Don’t let the stress of relocation destroy your family.
• Look for natural connection points: I hope you implement these strategies before I do. Immediately start looking for places where everyone in the family can connect. The way to do this is to search for activities and groups that are interested in the same things that you are. For me, it was our local Little League. Have a family discussion about what yours might be. If you like camping, check out the Boy Scouts. Find a way to get your kids involved in the sports they’ve always loved. Find a house church that feels like a place where you can connect with others. Join a gym. Whatever the details, find a place where you can find a connection with other people who enjoy the things you do.
• Expect it to take time: You should have realistic expectations when you move here. This was difficult for me. I had never had a problem connecting with others, so I hoped Orlando would be no different. That he is not. The dynamic is very different here, so expect it to take longer than usual to build those connections. If it doesn’t take a long time, GREAT, but set your expectations in a way that doesn’t lead to frustration and depression. If stress overwhelms you or a family member, find a good counselor or life coach who can guide you down this path.
So is Orlando a preview of what Hades could be like? I thought about it for a while. But he is not. By following these tips, Orlando could be his new home before he knows it. So, let’s go downstairs! The mouse is waiting.
