When do we act with true compassion and when do we think we are compassionate but really only tolerate or accept bad behavior because we want to be a good person, a good friend or a good partner? If you think that being compassionate means accepting people where they are while condoning, accepting, enabling, or excusing their bad behavior, that is not compassion at all, but an affront to your soul.
Chela Davison calls this kind of compassion “Idiot Compassion.” She says, “Idiot Compassion says, “Let it be. We are all the same. This behavior stems from ignorance. Love anyway.” Idiot Compassion paralyzes. Allows. Hides on the sidelines and nods. Idiot Compassion is ignorance dressed in love’s clothing.” In other words, when we exercise “idiot compassion,” we think we’re doing something good for someone else by feeling sorry for them and their circumstances, but what we’re really doing is aligning ourselves with their bad decisions and attitudes when we know better and at the same time. do it. so we sacrifice our own common sense and integrity. Our souls suffer.
So what does true compassion look like? Davison writes: Compassion says, “Let it move. Be aware. This behavior stems from ignorance. Choose the right action. Love while you do it.” Compassion is active. elevates. Petitions. Illuminate… Compassion feels and moves.” In other words, when you recognize that someone is misbehaving, true compassion acknowledges the ignorance, the fear, the intolerance of others that drive it, really the lack of self-awareness. or self-awareness -estimates and calls the person to something higher, either directly or by example.True compassion says I see you, in your state, and because I feel the incongruity of it with what my soul knows is right, I don’t approve, don’t say or do anything, I don’t make excuses, I don’t feel sorry for you, and I agree with your story. Instead, I chose the right action. The right action builds the voice of the soul within you and elevates your sense of integrity.
Idiot compassion says we’re all the same. We are not all the same. We are not all at the same station in our journey towards maturity and enlightenment. Aligning with, tolerating, and participating directly or indirectly with bad behavior prevents you from knowing and experiencing yourself to your fullest potential. It steals your joy and sucks your precious energy, therefore life. You can’t know the truth and beauty of who you are while you’re in the ditch with someone who feeds on your ill will. It’s okay to admit that we are not the same. You don’t owe your life, I literally mean your minutes, hours, days or energy to people who drag you down instead of up. If you feel exhausted, worried, confused, or even scared, in the presence of another person or in any way threatened by disagreeing with their sad story, you are not extending compassion at all. You are allowing them to continue, to remain stuck, to remain ignorant, and you are denying yourself the opportunity to be in a state of joy.
You know from your own life experience what bad behavior looks like, but just in case, here are a few examples: friends who only talk about themselves, who count on you to listen to your latest crisis, but don’t have time for you when you need it. to listen to them , lying spouses, complainers who do nothing to change, unsolicited opinion makers, critical people, lazy co-workers, etc. The question is what does ‘correct behavior’ look like? What steps can we take to be truly compassionate?
Here are some tips:
1. Recognize that you are practicing “idiot compassion” with the people in your life. Notice when you agree with a bad behavior or some idea or some story, either by saying nothing, tolerating, or making excuses for this person. You may have to take inventory of your own bad behavior and clean up your act at the same time you clean up your environment.
2. Be clear about your integrity, who and how you want to be in the world, what are your boundaries, limits and expectations about how you behave and what you will accept in relationships. Remember: true compassion is active, uplifting, demanding (more of yourself and others), and enlightening.
3. Ask yourself, what am I worried will happen if I object to this? Do I fear confrontation, anger, losing the relationship, appearing difficult or conceited?
4. Ask yourself, what do I have to gain by walking away from this toxic behavior? Free time, more energy, less worry, confidence in who you are, less drama, less toxicity, more integrity?
5. Stop following. Stop listening, accepting excuses or less than the truth. Acknowledge yourself when a relationship no longer fits your integrity. You may simply decide to stop spending time with someone or a group of people (gossips, complainers, etc.). In some cases, you may need to ask someone to leave, give them a way out, or ask them to leave, depending on the relationship. Your soul will thank you and one of two things will happen: the person you are dealing with will rise up and grow as a result of what they witness or someone willing to stay with them will move on. Either way YOU WIN!!
