1) Love – What does love have to do with it anyway?
People get caught up in what they think is the meaning (or feeling) of LOVE. But little do they know what love means or what role it should play in our lives rather than the actual (factual) role love actually plays. Very few people have grasped the real concept of love the way it should be.
The traditional love story: a boy meets a girl; They play house, get married and have children. [The End] Or so it may seem. Ha ha ha, that couldn’t be further from the truth in any love language.
The Flip Side – Boy Meets Girl; he beats the girl, rapes the girl and impregnates her, then leaves the girl alone to deal with the baby and her problems on her own. Now what’s really crazy about this picture is that in this scenario, both the guy and the girl lose their senses when the guy comes back and does it all over again and the girl accepts it as “true love”. Also in this scenario, the girl is usually not only burdened with showing the man how he can “take a beating and move on,” but is also the family’s financier while the boy continues his streak of abusing and misusing the girl and often the children they share. Is this the young love you know? This is why people often ask “What does love have to do with it anyway?” If this is all it is, it makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
2) Myths – Mysticism behind “The love of the ages” I guess you know from knowing that love isn’t as good as it seems. I know many people who are looking for love and never find it because they really don’t know exactly what they are looking for… It seems that some people or Mystics, look through rose colored glasses, hoping to find that special or right person to complement their lives. Really, I wish that for you too. However, I am a realist and deal with the reality that no one is perfect and we have to get our act together to attract a kind partner. I find that people are drawn to other people who have similar interests or habits. In other words, you can’t be an idiot hoping to find an angle… It just won’t happen. You can find a similar idiot or even a half idiot, but the reality, reflecting your qualities, that person will still be an idiot like you. So all I’m saying here is if you want something better, take a step back and take a good look in the mirror or do a little soul searching before you go on a mate hunt (like yourself).
Scenario 1:
This is the story of a young woman like me who is modest and kind. An independent young woman who has finished university and has a whole life and a promising career ahead of her. However, she has been so busy trying to succeed that one day she looks in the mirror and realizes that she doesn’t feel fulfilled. She is missing a loved one. She doesn’t have any man in her life. So she wonders, what if I want to have children in the near future? What kind of man can be a good fit for me? It is at this point that she begins her journey by starting with a laundry list of what I want my man to be like. She starts like this: I want my man to be…
- Good looking (must be buff) ‘Built to the hilt’
- He must have money (a lot of money) because he has to buy me a house and a car and everything I want.
- My man will be smart – A Harvard Graduate – Summa Cum Laude or PhD, (you know the type)
- He has to have an expensive sports car (show that he can show me off when we’re together)
- Blah blah blah blah… You know how that story goes: frankly, it never ends
Any way you look at it, when expectations start out as a disaster, they often end the same way! In most cases, when someone starts out with a long list of things he wants, he is asking for much more than he can or is willing to give anyway. So why pretend? Let’s try to deal with the real world here and we can be victorious.
Scenario 2: I know many, many people have their cake and are eating it too… But needless to say, this is not really what they want. The cake has turned sour and the marriage is long dead. But who cares, we have kids and I can’t get a job so I’ll have to stick it out till the end. Hoping the man dies before she does and she can run off into the sunset with cash in hand along with a new man. Isn’t that why young women marry older men anyway? It sure isn’t about love, is it? Johnny may have been around lately; but I assure you he will never leave soon enough or if he did, you won’t get any ‘cash to go’ from him. I am right?
The mystery of the ages in the above cases is that – Love does not come with “Rose colored cups” nor with “The glass half full”. In most cases, it comes in a “foamy and dirty” manner. You have to make the best of a bad situation or jump ship. The sooner one realizes that nothing in life is promised but life and death… that’s when we begin to accept the reality of how love really works in the real world we live in.
3) Masks – “What face do we really wear today” The face of despair? Some of us know what “The Face of Despair” looks like. You? In most cases, it is like a happy family life in the public eye, but behind closed doors one or the other spouse is often in dire straits. In the case of women, they try to appear happy, but under the stress of spousal abuse, they tend to become withdrawn and shy. Appearing only to close friends and family (ie siblings or parents) the truth of what is really going on in their lives. They tend to put up with abuse because they feel like they have nowhere to go or that they are not worthy of another man’s love. Furthermore, they often fear sudden death or imminent danger from the abusive spouse should they reveal their mistreatment to someone.
In the case of spousal abuse towards the male counterpart, women who are verbally abusive or downright mean and bitter towards their partner tend to make the man feel less than a man and have a hard time coping with life that way. When a man has been stripped of his rights as a man or head of the family by an overbearing woman, he often falls back into a deep depression. I have known cases where men even suffer a nervous breakdown or worse by committing suicide.
You can often notice the look of despair: When the person you know who should be in a loving or healthy relationship seems discouraged or withdrawn, something is clearly wrong. Why not reach out to see if you can offer loving support? You never know what might save their lives or give them hope when they may have thought all hope was lost. Everyone deserves some kind of love and kindness… Be the first to tell someone you may know “Let me help you through the hard times.”
4) Warning – “The love that no one loves to love” What to look for from people who say “I love you to death.” In most cases, that has a literal connotation and means exactly what it says. Unfortunately, in the real world, many young people get caught up in this type of “Toxic Love” syndrome and have no earthly idea of how to get out alive. There was a time when this referred to men only as the toxic lover. But today, women are the mortals in a relationship. I can’t figure out who would be the deadliest… But if I had to bet, I’d bet that females are by far the deadliest of all species.
It is true that no one loves to be loved in a painful or unpleasant way, even shamelessly. So when one partner feels mistreated or wronged in some way, he doesn’t turn the other cheek, he just holds it back in some vengeful way.
Story 1) A young woman had a cheating husband and got so tired of all the lies and deceit that she abruptly cut off the man’s penis and discarded it so she could never have sex with anyone again.
Story 2) Preachers are supposed to be the most faithful spouses in all the earth because they set out to love GOD, right? Wrong answer: In this story, a man preacher was so confident in himself and his marriage that he flirted with many women in his congregation and others throughout the city. However, on a bright Sunday morning, as she was giving her sermon, a beautiful young woman walked into the church as if she were to join the congregation for her Sunday forum. However, that was not the case. Surely goodness and mercy did not follow that young lady to church on that particular day… But she did bring with her a baseball bat which she used to “punch to the pulp” of the minister who tricked her into thinking he loved her and wanted to marry her.
History 3) Sports stars are supposed to be so fine and popular that many times it is their demise. I know of a case where a very proud golf pro gave his wife so much thought that when she realized what was happening, she went out of her way to run the guy over with her car. The term that death owes us part came early in their 3 year marriage.
In the other case of sports stars being infallible, comes a jealous lover who literally burned down the house and all the belongings of the man he once loved. Her statement to him was “Not in my house.”
So you see, a “toxic love” relationship is not a place I think you’d want to be. But the truth is, whether you want to be there or not, let’s be real… Most of us are already there, right?
5) Truths – Real Love – Pure Love – Honest Love “Is it out there somewhere?” I have to believe that true love is here, somewhere, for someone to share the joy with… It just makes sense that for every good feeling, there is a pure, honest truth behind that feeling. In my opinion, the true meaning of love is that (it is):
- long suffering
- Gentle
- I’m not jealous
- does not boast
- does not swell
- does not behave indecently
- Does not look for its own interest
- does not become provoked
- Does not keep track of injuries
- does not rejoice in injustice
- rejoice in the truth
- carry ALL things
- believe ALL things
- expect ALL things
- bear ALL things
- Love never fails
(No further explanation needed as EVERYTHING is self explanatory)
Now this is what I believe and I just wanted to share it with you. If you haven’t yet found the love I just described, then I pray that this kind of love will find you. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Everyone deserves the chance to have a once in a lifetime love affair like Real Love – Pure Love – Honest Love.
