Monday, October 9, 1989 / 9:30 pm
Kibbutz Sdot Yam
Today was Yom Kippur, so I start to write on a “clean slate”, beginning with synagogue services (2 1/2 hours) last night to usher in the holiest Jewish days.
I mainly went for the experience, as well as the spiritual solidarity with my people (the Church of God and the Jews) around the world. I read and sang only about a tithe of the service; I was surprised to be able to keep the Hebrew that I had never read before.
With me were other ulpanistim [Hebrew students] that they chose to fast, mainly, I think, by experience or test or show of willpower. God only knows. I scanned the faces of everyone gathered in the makeshift synagogue with mixed emotions and a strange distance.
Tradition, even empty, hollow, superficial, has helped the Jews to preserve this Day, albeit imperfectly; however, I couldn’t help but think of God and Kahane, who might dismiss that “worship” as vain and those “devotions” as empty. Liberals, Hellenists, Humanists who have nothing to do with God and who ignore or deny His Word as a general rule, as hypocritical and unacceptable as professing Christianity on the pagan days of Christmas and Easter, temporarily becoming “religious” or sickly. However, may we all ultimately worship the one true God and His Son, in spirit and in truth. G’mar hateemah tovah! [Be inscribed for good in the Book].
During this relatively easy fast today, I lay down on the bed and read and read Good News magazine, I was meditating on life, my past, present and potential future. I prayed and asked for forgiveness and clarity of mind and purpose with patience to overcome sins and achieve success in this spiritual struggle, resolving to start over to abstain from alcohol and stop going to our kibbutz pub on Yerev Shabbat. [Sabbath evening]. Today I really missed the Church services and communion with the brethren, remembering our divine camaraderie.
My goals were to spend 3 weeks. in Florida with Steve and Bob, also to change my name to David Ben-Ariel, 18 days in Europe with Mom and Lisa, make aliyah to Israel and join an ulpan (intensive Hebrew course). So far, so good. Now he must decide – God help me – to immediately continue the ulpan in ketah bet [class b – next level] somewhere, or temporarily suspend Hebrew to earn money in a moshav … I am currently reading Hannah Senesh – Her Life and Diaries. The first 50 pages I found so boring and forced myself to read what appeared to be fabricated Jewish propaganda: the girl seemed too good to be true, nauseatingly a treat. Now I enjoy it more as she mentioned historical events, like Hitler etc.
I have wondered if perhaps the helplessness and hopelessness I experienced in returning to God is part of His punishment for making me think twice before going astray again, not that He has ever forgotten or forsaken me, simply letting me wallow for a time on my own test chart. Thank God I am convinced of His calling, purpose and interest in my life or I would have died a long time ago. Ms. Corpus once commented on how God had given me that gift of FAITH.
I must fulfill my personal destiny as Son of Jerusalem, publish my poems, the table called PRIEST-KING – The Twin Pillars of Israel, and reserve THE GREAT DESIGN [since published as Beyond Babylon: Europe’s Rise and Fall]. I must, God willing, RESTORE our Judeo-Christian presence in Jerusalem and Israel, which is significant since I am from Beth David [House of David].
We received our first official rain the other day.
Hannah S. wrote: “When someone in Hungary spoke of Zionism five or even two years ago, Jewish public opinion condemned him as a traitor to Hungary, laughed at him, considered him a mad visionary and under no circumstances listened to him.” It reminded me how I too, subject to ridicule or suspicion, am a pioneer of the Church of God here in the Middle East. Mr. Fiedler [one of my former ministers in the Worldwide Church of God] I had once said about my “activist” activities (writing The Blade, my beliefs and actions) that I was so “unorthodox”. I replied that so was Mr. Armstrong and, like him, I would do it only if necessary, convinced of the veracity of my convictions. Later, somewhat angry or frustrated, he said, “Why can’t you be like everyone else who goes to the Middle East for the party? [of Tabernacles]Are you satisfied and come back? Why do you always have to make inroads? “I said what he called” raids. “I considered” open doors “that I never sought or pushed to open them, but walked through with faith, and that I simply believed what the Church taught, that I am a descendant in part of Beth David. and therefore I choose to go back to my old Jewish Homeland: Israel. He said he was German but didn’t feel like he had to move to Germany. I said it was his prerogative.
Previously, he and Mr. Gilbert [his associate pastor] He graciously warned me not to sound so Jewish as to give people the wrong impression of the Church, like saying Shabbat Shalom, etc. I thanked them for their concern, I commented that I was already aware of the need to be balanced, but also that God had used my understanding of the Middle East to become everything for Jews and Arabs, more than others in the Congregation. Then when HQ banned me from attending the Middle East Party indefinitely, fearing that I might misrepresent the Church (as a homosexual) [due to one complaint about me during the Feast in Jordan that contradicted the biblical procedure of Matthew 18:15-17, as Mr. Gilbert noted], further encouraged me to think that a separation was due [like the US was driven to separate from England after a series of injustices], a different job to do [with a God-given focus on Jerusalem and the Jews].
Years before, I had been sent home from Israel, strongly encouraged to do so, and was waiting for a minister residing in Israel to “supervise” my “activities.” [Church elder Carl Fields commented to me, “Are they setting a precedent?”] I have waited 7 years, grandfather already died, I received my inheritance, I did a tour of Europe and now, almost 30 (potentially significant), I am living in Israel studying Hebrew! I have been drawn to Israel, wanting to be a part of the history of this ancient but young nation and ultimately fulfill my destiny in Jerusalem.
