Do you have the suspicion that you are not assertive enough? There may be some truth to your fear. If so, we’ll get to the bottom of it and help you develop assertiveness skills. Answer “agree” or “disagree” to these 6 statements to find out if you’re not assertive enough and if becoming more assertive could help you advance your career.
#1: I have a hard time disagreeing with people whose views I think are wrong.
#2: It’s hard for me to say no and many times I end up taking on tasks I don’t want to.
#3: Because it makes me nervous to appear aggressive, I can be too passive in my interactions.
#4: Delegating is not my strong point, and I often do more than my fair share at work.
#5: It’s hard for me to speak up and share my opinions, especially if they’re somewhat controversial.
#6: I know I need to promote myself more at work, but I don’t like promoting myself.
If you answered “agree” to three or more of these questions, or if any of these issues are holding you back from being successful in your career, you probably aren’t assertive enough. Let’s take a look at these elements and discuss the specific steps you can take to improve each one.
#1 addresses disagreement with others.
If you disagree with someone, you risk coming off as rude, argumentative, or unpleasant. That’s why it’s easier to be passive and shut up. The problem is that you won’t get your ideas heard or put into practice, which can limit your effectiveness and status in your organization.
Have you ever experienced that horrible feeling when you don’t say what’s on your mind and someone else says it, and then they get braces for the idea? Don’t let this happen. Practice disagreeing on less important conversations. When you disagree, do so calmly and objectively. Simply state your point of view and the facts that support it. Once you gain confidence in your ability to communicate disagreement, take more risks in challenging situations.
#2 tackles by saying no.
A classic sign of a lack of assertiveness is the inability to say no. When you can’t say no, you lose credibility. You communicate that your time is not valuable and therefore your contributions are less valuable. When, on the contrary, you show that you know what you do best and what your limitations are, you exude confidence. This doesn’t mean you should say no to everything except the few things you really want to do. It means you need to prioritize and get practice stating why you’re not the right person for select jobs.
When you say no, don’t apologize or over-explain why you say no. Take responsibility by using “I” statements to show where your strengths fit best. State your reasons clearly and make your request assertively.
#3 addresses the fear of being seen as aggressive.
In my research, I found that many people who lack assertiveness are afraid of being seen as aggressive or arrogant. They overcompensate and end up on the passive end of the spectrum. We want you to be assertive, which is in the middle and is very different from being aggressive.
Remember that most of the impact of communication is how you say it, not what you say. If you project a calm and friendly demeanor, you are unlikely to be seen as aggressive. Also remember that people interpret you in relation to the image they already have of you. If you tend to be kind and considerate, people will interpret your behaviors accordingly.
You can assertively make requests and deliver negative feedback, without being pushy. When you are aggressive, you disrespect the communication of others by interrupting, demeaning, or criticizing them. When you are assertive, you give your opinion and make your request in a way that benefits everyone.
#4 refers to delegating or asking people to do things for you.
When you are not assertive enough, you worry about whether you are making others uncomfortable or annoying. As a result, you do most of the work. As you gain experience delegating, you see that people feel good knowing that you have faith in their abilities to get the job done.
Another cause of ineffective delegation is thinking that you can do the job better yourself. Assertive action is training others and giving them feedback on how you would like the job completed. Know that doing this initially may be more work for you, but it will pay off in the near future.
#5 addresses expressing their opinions.
When people lack assertiveness, they find it difficult to share their ideas, especially if they differ from the opinion of the majority or an influential person. The key to getting to share your ideas is to be clear about what they are and how others could benefit from them.
The best way to work on these assertiveness skills is to share your opinions in increasingly difficult situations. You can start by expressing your semi-controversial views in a conversation with a friend. You then express your opinions to your direct reports at work. Then he makes a potentially unpopular point of view with his boss. And finally, he expresses an original idea in a board meeting in front of his vice president.
#6 addresses the fear of self-promotion.
It is difficult for most people to promote themselves and if you lack assertiveness, it is especially difficult. To get ahead in business, people need to know who you are and what you’re capable of, and you can’t always trust others to share this information. Therefore, it is essential to acquire the assertiveness skill of self-promotion.
The first step in automarketing is visibility. Start by going out of your way to meet various people at your workplace. The next step is to share your ideas to show people what you have to contribute. The final and most important step is to share the results you have achieved. When people promote themselves with vague generalities, they’re seen as braggarts, but when you point out specific information, you’re simply sharing useful facts. The fact that it benefits you makes it a win-win.
As you begin to address these six situations and use the tips, you will find that you are out of your comfort zone. This is a good thing. The key is to take consistent action. Soon you will see that not only your assertiveness improves, but also your reputation and your results.
