Self-confidence is the invaluable ingredient that makes life happy and successful. It begins to develop at birth and increases or decreases, depending on the way we are raised, the different types of experiences we encounter, and the way others look at us. Self-confidence determines our personality.
The resources we need to develop self-confidence are in our minds and are therefore always accessible to us if we look within ourselves. William James, the American thinker, believed that human beings can alter their lives by altering their mental attitude.
Divya, a fifteen-year-old girl, lives in a remote village in India. She is the daughter of a toddy tapper who died prematurely, leaving behind a family of five without a livelihood. Divya decided to pursue her father’s profession, although she had never climbed a tree before and no one had heard of a toddy tapper. It was an exclusively male job and, in his traditional society, he encountered stiff opposition from men and ridicule from women. His family was concerned about the risks to life. But Divya, with just a week of practice and a lot of confidence, continues with her father’s work. His work starts at dawn and it is exhausting. But it lasts only a few hours each morning. He earns enough to support his family and continue his studies. As Norman Vincent Peale often said, “You can if you think you can.”
Barriers to self-confidence.
o Inferiority complex: it is the lack of a sense of worth that emotionally paralyzes people. It can start in childhood, even in the home environment, due to criticism from parents or rude comments from siblings.
Children in school can be critical of one’s physical appearance or intelligence.
Neighbors can be thoughtless in the way they relate to children. A rude and condescending attitude towards a child can make them feel worthless.
With the rise of feminism, the state of motherhood has been seen as a form of servitude. The stay-at-home mother feels inferior to her financially independent counterparts. The print and audiovisual media glorify the images of intelligent superwomen in the business world, or sexy models and movie stars who are the center of attention. Physical attractiveness is very important. Ads that flaunt beauty creams, hair dyes, anti-aging ointments, perfumes, designer clothes, give those who can’t afford those luxuries an inferiority complex and a bad self-image.
o Feelings of inadequacy – Many people who have retired from their active jobs and lifestyles feel worthless with nothing to do. Self-pity sets in and confidence sinks.
o Sexual insufficiency: The fear of being physically and sexually inadequate, the fear of being unattractive or even the fear of pregnancy, can undermine self-confidence.
o Environment: when one is not treated with respect and dignity at home or in the workplace, a person can fall into self-pity and feel that they are of no importance to the world. Caste, color, money, power are prejudices that can undermine the self-confidence of victims.
o Fear: autocratic parents, violent spouses, inconsiderate colleagues, nagging wives, disrespectful children – these are some of the situations that make people feel fearful or insecure. They develop a distorted bad self-image, which robs them of their self-confidence.
o Worry: “The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable,” says Seneca. It affects the mental ability to think clearly or solve simple problems. Worry is a mouse that chews on self-confidence.
Ways to develop self-confidence.
1. Introspection: Are you tapping into your full potential? If not, what are the obstacles you encounter? Roadblocks are challenges. They are not insurmountable. It is advisable to make a list and tackle them one by one. The more you can handle each of them, the more confident you will be. Therefore, refuse to resign.
William Wilberforce was plagued by disease for most of his life. He was addicted to opium for 20 years. But he never lacked self-confidence. He was a capable parliamentarian and worked for the abolition of slavery in Great Britain. His towering monument in Westminster Abbey describes him as the “Attorney General for unprotected and friendless families.”
2. Love yourself in a healthy way. Be happy with who you are. Recognize the power and potential that God has given you and edit it.
o Know yourself. What are its strengths and limitations? Work on the latter.
o Believe in yourself. “Self-confidence is the first secret to success,” says Ralph Waldo Emerson. Work on changing what you don’t like about yourself.
o Set high standards to achieve, based on honesty and integrity. Don’t waste time trying to meet the standards that others have set for you. Be careful not to align yourself with the values of a commercialized, eroticized, and immoral society. Don’t be like the 300 giant whales that chose to follow a school of sardines and were trapped inside a bay. Chart your own course, envision victory, and live with purpose.
3. Have a positive mindset. Plan your movements according to what you want to be. Stay motivated towards that goal.
According to Jean Sharbuno, “Positive Expectation is a way of thinking: an anxious anticipation of success and doing whatever it takes to make it happen.” One remembers John Keats, the sickly young English poet who, despite his declining health, was confident enough to say, “I believe I will be the greatest poet in England after my death.”
4. Self-discipline: “The first and best victory is to conquer oneself,” says Plato.
Keep unpleasant thoughts out of your mind. Set high standards for yourself and focus on achieving them. Trust enduring values and maintain integrity in everything you do. Positive autosuggestion will build confidence. The mantra of “I am a confident person. I believe in myself” should be repeated several times a day, until you are convinced that you are a confident person.
The humble spider has a lot to teach us about self-confidence. It has a built-in survival mechanism. If it is injured, it releases a protein-filled silk thread on which it slides down and builds another web in a new place. When it’s time to lay eggs, she produces a protective silk bag to hold the eggs. An enemy that gets too close gets stuck to the sticky exterior of the bag. The spider then weaves more threads around the enemy and devours him.
A confident person will live life to its fullest potential. You will strengthen your weak points and benefit from your strengths. “Action is a great restorer and confidence builder. Inaction is not just the result, but the cause of fear,” says Norman Vincent Peale. We need to remember that we are precious in God’s eyes, and He has imbued us with the power and potential to live with confidence.
